Friday, July 24, 2009

Last Stop

July 10

Today was bittersweet in that we'd be visiting our last Alaskan city. The land tour was awesome, and the cruise has been spectacular, and so it was with regret I watched the ship pull into port.


We didn't dock until 10, so I actually got to watch most of it. (The previous dockings were much earlier, so I only glimpsed them briefly through the window.) But this one was very cool -- the inlet we traveled down was a really busy highway. Boats were docked and motoring past us, and float planes constantly took off and landed right alongside us. It was pretty cool!

The city is right next to the dock, so we had a great view coming in. I saw this cool mountain off to the side, which I later found out is the city's giant barometer. A tour guide told us you could tell what the weather's like based on the mountain.

"If you can see the mountain. it's gonna rain," she said. "And if you can't see the mountain, it's raining."



Apparently, Ketchikan gets a lot of rain!

But not today. Today, we experienced another perfect sunny day. It was cooler than it has been, probably about 70 degrees. However, the locals were sweltering in the "heat," and kept complaining about it. (Remember, these are people who live through 40 below degrees most of the year!)

Today's excursion started with a Duck Tour. The Duck is an amphibious vehicle -- that is, it drives around town like a tour bus, then drives into the bay like a boat. I couldn't wait!



Mark, my parents, Kathleen, Amber and I climbed aboard the Duck. The driver apologized profusely for the "heat" and for baking us inside while we waited for the last few passengers. (Did I mention it was 70 degrees, not 100??) He also pointed out the "quackers," or duck whistles, taped to the ceiling above, and noted that if the Duck lost cabin pressure, the quackers would immediately drop. He demonstrated, and gave the same safety spiel flight attendants do, saying to affix your quacker first before attending to small children. I knew this was gonna be a fun tour!

They also sold the quacker whistles for $3, but warned that as the tour went on, the price would rise. I wasn't quite sure why.

We departed, taking in the city and the incredibly bad jokes the tour guide told. Every time she told a joke, the people who bought the quackers blew them loudly and the rest of us groaned. Then she'd say, "OK, quackers are now $4!" and I understood why -- I'd have blown mine many a time!

We saw Ketchikan's famous steep stairways, which the city considers streets, because they access multiple dwellings.



We saw the creek where salmon return to the city, and the fish ladder the city built to help the fish get up the steep waterfall.

We saw Creek Street, which was famous for being Ketchikan's "red light district." We also saw the Married Man's Trail, which was a hidden trail through the trees. It allowed the town's married men some discretion as they visited the infamous Dolly's brothel. Dolly, ever the shrewd businesswoman, charged the married men an extra 50 cents for using the back path.

It was a pretty interesting little drive, and became even more interesting as we drove to the other side of town, where the locals live. (Most don't even venture into downtown during the summer tourist season.) We drove down a ramp and voila! we were now a boat!

The Duck boat didn't move very quickly, but we cruised through the bay, staring at the boats and the fish canneries. We drove past one guy living on his boat, who at first waved to us, and then for some reason, started to hula dance. I love the Alaskans; they certainly have a lot of character.
The tour guide pointed out Ketchikan International Airport across the bay on another island. She noted that only Alaska Airlines domestic flights actually fly in/out of there, except for one time, when a Canadian airline made an emergency landing. It was the only international flight ever to fly in or out of Ketchikan, but the "international" part stuck anyway.

The airport and island also had some historical relevance as the proposed sight of the Bridge to Nowhere. Although many politicians (Sarah Palin included) voted to build the bridge, it was never realized.

The cruise pretty much ended the tour, and we endured some more bad (but funny) jokes on the way back to the dock. Edra met us there, and we headed off for lunch.

After lunch, my dad decided to head back to the ship for a nap. The rest of us headed over to the Great Alaskan Lumberjack show to watch some burly men be manly. We didn't really care what they did; we just wanted to see some cute lumberjacks!





Mark went along with us, but he was more excited by the axe-throwing and souped-up chainsaws than he was impressed by the lumberjack's rugged good looks. Hey, to each their own!

The show was actually funnier than I expected. It kind of reminded me of a show at Sea World; you know, comedy and action all at once. There were two teams competing, one an American team and one a Canadian team (to simulate the rivalry that used to exist between the local loggers). Our team were the Canadians, and we cheered them on with a hearty "Ya-ho!" every time they won a task.

The two teams kept score by handing out wood chips at the end of each round. By wood "chip," I really mean a three-pound hunk of tree they'd sawed or chopped off a huge log. They handed these out to the kids in the audience, and of course, young master Mark received his very own. He was thrilled!

At the end of the competition (show), the lumberjacks posed for pictures. We'd been waiting for a lumberjack picture the whole trip! Mark was excited, too, for a different reason. He asked the lumberjacks to autograph his wood chip, which they all did. He was excited to bring home his authentic piece-of-Alaska souvenir, heavy as it was.





Then it was on to a different kind of logger -- er, lager. Our brochures each came with a coupon for a a free Alaskan Amber pint glass if we purchased an Alaskan Amber beer at a local pub. Now this we could happily do!

Since we'd been drinking Alaskan beer the whole trip, we all felt an affinity toward the beer. (Plus, we'd nicknamed Amber "Alaskan Amber" since she was...well, an Amber in Alaska!) We bellied up to the bar and ordered.

Mark couldn't come inside the bar, so he and my mom waited patiently outside. (We couldn't bring our beer to the outdoor patio.) I felt kinda guilty to be inside drinking beer while they were outside, so I downed mine pretty quickly and ordered one for my mom. Which was a bad idea, because it got me kind of buzzed.

My mom decided she didn't want hers, and came back to relieve me. She decided to return to the ship after we finished, and Mark asked if he could go with her. So off they went, leaving me in a bar with half a buzz, and another full beer.

Well, opportunities like that come few and far between, so we made the most of it. Amber, Edra, Kathleen and I finished our beers, then wandered a bit crookedly through the streets. We must've been quite the sight!

We made our way over to Creek Street to take some pictures. We found an actual red light, a lot of souvenir shops, and even a funicular. ("Funiculare!" I yelled to Edra, since we'd ridden a bunch in Italy, and she answered me back the same.)

Pretty soon, we needed a bathroom, which was the one thing the gift shops did not have. Someone pointed us toward a brown building, and we entered quite happily.

Turns out, it was the local Eagles' Club! It was dark and smoky, and inhabited by some locals playing computer gambling games.

We signed in as sponsored guests to a big book. The bartender then plied us with beers, except for Amber, who wanted to finish writing her postcards without distraction.

I glanced around the "club." There was a sign charting the donations toward the new T.V. fund ($70!) and my favorite, a flier for the "Rifle Raffle" fundraiser. First prize was a Magnum .44 rifle, second prize was a semi-automatic Luger, and third prize was a $100 Wal-Mart gift card (presumably for ammo). I smiled.

A new patron entered, and ordered a beer. He also asked the barkeep if he could run a load of laundry (there was a washer/dryer by the bathrooms), and the bartender ordered affirmatively, saying he had to transfer his clothes first. I love a colorful dive bar, and this one was perfect!

We finished our drinks, and Amber finished her cards, but we decreed it unfair that she was a drink behind us. We were running out of time, though, so we agreed she should do a shot.

"What kind of shot?" she asked, worriedly.

"Whiskey!" Edra ordered (she was serious), but the rest of us winced.

"No, a girly shot," I answered, but since I don't do many shots, I asked the bartender for a recommendation.

He made her a German chocolate cake shot, which also came with a sugared lemon wedge, for some reason. Amber gamely downed them both.

We hit up our last few gift stores. While we were in them, Amber and Edra's eyes grew big, as they recognized the star of last night's God-awful song and dance show. (The cruise ship shows were awful -- this was the second performance I'd attended, and it was so bad, we walked out of it!)
It was Adrian Zmed, formerly famous for co-starring on T.J. Hooker. I'd lambasted his performance, calling it the "Adrian Zmed I-Love-Myself Show" since it consisted mostly of him reminiscing about past shows he'd starred in.

But I had three beers in me now, so when I saw him, I asked if he'd mind posing with my friends. And then I gushed that I loved his show! (That was definitely the beer talking!)

Kathleen was so busy shopping for tacky gifts that she didn't notice it. She was kinda mad we'd left her out, but she didn't need to worry. Two minutes later, we ran into him again out on the dock! I asked if he'd mind taking one more picture with my cousin and he agreed. Kathleen said I was stalking him, but really, I was just trying to help her.

Finally, it was time to return to the ship. They were rolling up the gangway in less than 10 minutes, and my mom had repeatedly told me to be back on the ship on time. I think she was scared I'd miss the boat, and she'd have to keep Mark until we met back up in Vancouver.

Sure enough, I could see her on the balcony, scouting us out. She waved wildly, relieved to see us walking up the gangway.

The rest of the night included a nice dinner, and then onto the lounge for a bit. It was nice to enjoy the night out with my friends. I was really enjoying the Kid's Zone program, as was Mark. I picked him up at 10 p.m., just as it was ending, and headed back to my cabin for bed, happy and content, just as I'd been for the past couple weeks.

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