Is it stealing if it never leaves the premises?

When I picked Mark up yesterday, he was clutching a dark blue jacket that wasn't his. I knew because a) I didn't buy it, and b) it was about three sizes too small.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked, and he answered, "I found it on the playground."

When I suggested we drop it off at the lost and found, he grimaced and said, "Darn!"

"Why do you want it?" I asked, a little puzzled. "It won't even fit you."

He explained that the after school counselors won't let kids play outside in the afternoon unless they have a jacket on.

"So I just pick up sweat shirts from the playground every day," he said.

I bit my tongue so I wouldn't laugh out loud. Then I asked if he'd considered any other solutions.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like bringing your own sweatshirt every day," I answered. "And not losing it!"

He just looked at me like I was completely crazy. Like I'd suggested the most outrageous thing I could possibly think of.

Which I guess I had, when you really think about it. I'd suggested responsibility, a concept about as realistic to Mark as three-headed aliens or talking cats. Interesting ideas both, but really, what purpose would they serve Mark in the real world here?

"Yeah, you're right," I admitted. "It's probably easier to just pick up the stray jackets on the playground."

I couldn't believe I actually offered that as a solution, but as Mark smiled and ran off, I realized sometimes ya just have to take what you can get!

Can I borrow your sweatshirt?

I've written before about Mark's propensity for losing things, especially sweatshirts and lunch boxes (we've gone through six lunch boxes already this year). And now, in some strange karmic retribution, those items are returning...

Some items, like his camouflage lunch box, come back on their own. Mark mentioned that he'd brought it home, in a tone that suggested a reward for such thoughtfulness.

"Oh, great!" I said. "Where'd you find it?" (It's been missing for a month.)

"I dunno," he answered. "It just showed up on my desk yesterday."

And that, parents, is why I write Mark's name on every single thing he owns. He may not be responsible enough to keep track of it, but the school office staff is.

In another reversal of fortune, Mark has found, not lost, sweatshirts lately. You'd think I'd be relieved he's actually adding to his wardrobe, but truth be told, I'm a little worried. He says he's found the clothes, but it seems a little suspicious to me that he's finding the exact styles and sizes of clothing he really likes.

The first occurrence was when I picked him up a couple weeks ago and he was wearing a bright red sweatshirt I'd never seen before.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked.

"On the playground," he answered. "Somebody just left it there. Can you BELIEVE someone would just leave their sweatshirt on the playground?"

I thought of all the times Mark had done exactly that, and said, "Um, yes, actually I can."

I checked the sweatshirt for a name tag, but there wasn't one. I explained that it was great he'd picked it up, but perhaps the proper place for it was in the lost and found, not in his personal closet.

"Fine, but we should wash it first," he said. And once it got home, it never left.

I should have been more strict about returning the sweatshirt, but I wasn't. As a result, he's acquired two more the same way. Neither had names in them, and neither were returned.

I am worried that he's not so much finding them anymore, but that he's taking them. I explained that it's not okay to steal, even if it is just a ratty old sweatshirt somebody left behind. I also explained that there's a difference between finding a sweatshirt on an empty playground vs. finding one on a crowded playground as the recess bell is ringing. I explained that he'd better not take sweatshirts home just because he likes them, because that is stealing, not finding!

"I know," he huffed indignantly, as though I am the dumbest person alive. Then he killed his case by saying, "This sweatshirt is soooo comfy..."

I figured I'd take a more indirect route back to the proper owners. I allowed Mark to wear the sweatshirts to school. That way, he wasn't stealing clothes so much as borrowing them. In the meantime, Mark is warm, dressed appropriately, and we don't fight about clothes every morning. And I know it's just a matter of time before he, too, leaves them on the playground, and they find their way back to either the original owner or to the lost and found.

It's a tough job raising kids. But it's a tougher job not raising thieves!

Farewell, dear friends

They were bright, comfy, and kept my child warm. They were no mere utilitarian garments; they were fashion statements. They offered shelter from the wind, and on days when he needed protection from the cold, or from a yelling mother, a place he could zip up and hide in. They served him well. And now, they are gone.

I'm talking about Mark's sweatshirts. I've written before about his propensity for losing things, especially clothes. But these sweatshirts...the rate at which he loses these is baffling. It's mind-numbing. These sweatshirts are a particular albatross around my neck.

It all started in kindergarten, shortly after I got Mark. I loaded him up with school uniforms, including inexpensive blue sweatshirts. And although the kid returned home from school each day, his sweatshirts did not.

It's frustrating, especially because Mark refuses to wear long sleeve shirts, which means he's cold a lot. I used to worry about him being cold, but then one day, I had an epiphany--if he really was that cold, he'd wear a frickin' sweatshirt, instead of recklessly abandoning it on the playground.

So Mark being cold doesn't bother me any more--if he's cold, he's old enough to do something about it (callous, I know). But it bothers the school staff, who kindly ask if Mark has any warm outer garments at home, or gently suggest Mark might benefit from a jacket on such a cold day. To which I always respond, "I send him to school with a sweatshirt every day--it's his responsibility not to lose it between here and home." They think I'm mean, but I don't really care.

It got so bad that one wintry morning, as Mark headed off to school shivering yet again, I let him have it. I told him if he didn't come home with an armful of sweatshirts, he'd better not come home at all.

What I meant was an armful of his sweatshirts. But he took me literally and came home with an armful of blue sweatshirts--none of them his. He simply scooped up every blue sweatshirt in the lost and found bin.

They included all three kid's sizes and even an adult-sized medium. Whereas I'd only bought him solid pullovers, he brought home an assortment of plain zip-ups, and pullovers and zip-ups with the school logo. These most certainly were not his sweatshirts, but at that point, I didn't care. I figured the other school kids were out there wearing Mark's lost sweatshirts. I looked at it more as a trade--an exchange--than an outright theft.

But now even those sweatshirts are gone. In a weak moment, I let Mark talk me into buying him some Old Navy hoodies; a lime green one that looked like a pigeon pooped on it; a black one with a basketball outline on it and a brown one with an eagle. His Auntie Edra gave him a cool brown Tony Hawk sweatshirt, which he recently tried leaving in a restaurant (we rescued it, only to have him lose it again last week). You guessed it, they are all gone, gone, gone as well. (Gotta admit--I wasn't sad to see that ugly green one go...)

And so begins a new era. Tomorrow morning, at 8:20 a.m., we will leave the house for school, and Mark will return to wearing an uncool, inexpensive blue pullover sweatshirt. He will not only balk at that, he will downright refuse, citing the fact that all the other kids are allowed to wear whatever they want. (To which I'll reply, "Yes, they wear what they want everyday because THEY BRING IT HOME!")

No matter where you are in the country, I'm sure you will hear him scream in indignation that he is soooo not wearing that stupid blue sweatshirt to school. And then he will go about purposefully "forgetting" or "losing" said blue sweatshirts at school.

Which will prompt the second wave of screaming, shortly before winter break, when Mark is told that thank God he gets such a generous weekly allowance, or else he wouldn't possibly be able to replace all those sweatshirts himself.