So my cousin Kathleen bought him a manly gift pack of Axe body wash and shampoo. Mark took the bottles out and immediately proclaimed he was NOT GOING TO USE THIS.
"Why not?" I asked. "You like manly soaps..."
"Um, yeah," he stammered. "Look what it says!" He held the bottle toward me.
"Really?" he asked, sarcastically. "Kathleen wants me to get dirty?"
I burst out laughing, and couldn't stop for a good 10 minutes.
"And what about this?" he asked, holding up the shampoo bottle.
"Wash, attract, repeat?" he said. "Seriously?"
I couldn't stand it any longer. I texted Kathleen the pictures and Mark's running commentary. She answered back that she never even saw those instructions.
"Oh, crap," she texted. "I got him X-rated body wash!"
Which sent Mark and I over the edge again. We were crying with laughter.
Then Mark dragged the poor kitten into all this.
"What if I wash Fernando with this?" he asked. "Will he attract all the girl cats?" He swiped an imaginary paw and said, "Rawr!"
I was texting Kathleen back when Mark found a written page of instructions for the body wash. As I was typing, he read them aloud.
"Take care when using on sensitive areas," he read. He immediately stopped and said, "You know what 'sensitive areas' are, RIGHT?"
I did, and tried really hard not to look at him. He was horrified that Kathleen had given him this, and that I was laughing about it.
"No," Mark said, putting the bottles down. "Just. NO. I am not using that body wash. EVER." And then he stomped out of the room.
"Well, I guess the gift was a success one way or another," Kathleen texted.
It most certainly was. I could just imagine the conversation in my head, when someone asks Mark about his presents.
"Hey Mark, what was your favorite Christmas gift?" I imagine them asking.
And Mark's answer? "The X-rated body wash Kathleen gave me!"
Oh yes, it WAS successful, Kathleen. Maybe not in the way you intended, but definitely a hit.
(And no, I still haven't stopped snickering...)
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