Light as a feather

We don't have a scale at home, but really, who needs one? The only one interested in how much he weighs is Mark, and thanks to our car, I can tell you his weight within a tenth of a pound.

He weighs 80 pounds, give or take an ounce.

I have a totally scientific method for weighing him--I use the passenger seat air bag light as my guide. The light displays "Air bag on" when anyone over 80 pounds sits there. If the passenger weighs less than 80 pounds, the air bag goes off.

Seems simple enough, but that danged thing is sensitive. Seriously. I've actually watched Mark shift in his seat and the air bag went off--like just shifting was enough exercise to lose a couple ounces. I've also seen Mark turn off the air bag simply by sighing or sneezing.

Now it's a running joke in our family..."You didn't eat enough lunch," I'll tell Mark, when the air bag is off. "Eat a cookie."

Or "The air bag just went on because I picked up your magazine," he'll say. 

The air bag stays on more during winter, when he wears a jacket. Mind you, this is Southern California--we're not talking heavy winter coats here, usually just windbreakers.

It happened again yesterday. When he got into the car, Mark sadly pointed out the air bag was off.

"You need to eat more," I told him. "Turn that air bag on!"

Ten minutes into our drive, Mark fell asleep. He awoke with a yawn when the car stopped, then pointed at the dashboard.

"The air bag went on!" I exclaimed. "It was off when I started the car."

"Well, yeah," Mark said. "Because I was sleeping."

"How does that affect the air bag light?" I asked.

He just smirked at me. "Duh," he said. "I weigh more when I'm sleeping."

"You...what?" I stuttered.

"I'm dead weight when I sleep," he answered. He demonstrated by slumping back into his seat. Sure enough, the air bag light turned on.

And I said...nothing. Because, honestly, how do you argue with that?