I just had a couple errands to run before my day was truly free. I told Mark, who didn't understand the importance until I spelled it out for him.
"Let's get this stuff done by 10," I said. "Then we can do whatever we want all day."
"OK," he answered. "Let me eat breakfast first."
I glanced at the clock--8 a.m., plenty of time for him to mess up and then clean the kitchen.
"OK," I said.
He was still noodling around the kitchen at 9 a.m. I gently nudged him, reminding him we were leaving in an hour.
"OK," he called out. "Let me get dressed."
I took a shower at 9:30. I reminded him again (not so gently, this time) the bus was leaving soon. He laughed at me and my silly time frames.
When I got out, he was not dressed (surprise). Instead, he was in the kitchen cooking up a second breakfast (bigger surprise).
"I'm leaving without you," I huffed. "Did I mention that one of the errands is an ice cream tasting?"
"Wait--WHAT?" he asked, throwing down the spatula and turning off the stove burner. "Seriously?"
"YES," I answered. I'd told him very clearly the errands included a trip to the local farm stand, which was hosting an ice cream tasting.
That motivated him. He cleaned up the kitchen in record time. He also remembered he needed to put his clothes in the dryer.
And that he had to go to the bathroom. And that he had to pick up his room. And play with his cats. And shoot a couple baskets. And tell me about a new TV show. And--
"ENOUGH!" I finally yelled. "It is 11 a.m., and I AM LEAVING." I couldn't sit around watching him waste my free Saturday any longer.
"OK," Mark said, grabbing up his flip-flops. He stood outside the front door, waiting for me. "Well, aren't you coming?" he asked.
I stomped past him, fuming. Lucky for him he's quick, so he made it into the car before I drove away.
We finally made it to the farm stand by noon. Mark was thrilled when the lady told him he could sample any and all of the gourmet flavors. He opted first for the coffee ice cream, gladly accepting the tiny taster cup.
"Oh, no," the lady said as she scooped out the sample. "This one is melting. We'll have to replace it."
She winked at Mark, and handed him the whole cup. Mark looked at me gleefully, as happy as...well, a kid with a full cup of free ice cream.
In between bites, he sampled the other flavors. I thought he'd stop after five or six, but he never slowed down.
After we purchased a few pints, I herded Mark to the car.
"Let's get these home before they melt," I said.
He rubbed his belly contentedly. "That was soooooo good," he said. "I'm just bummed I couldn't try the lemon-lime basil. That one sounded awesome."
"That's why I wanted to be here at 10," I told him.
"Next time, we should come earlier," he said. "We need to get here before all the good flavors are gone."
I'd been backing the car up, but I literally jammed it into park and glared at Mark.
"What?" he said, honestly confused.
"Did you just tell me to GET HERE EARLIER?" I asked (in a maybe-somewhat-okay, very yelly-screamy voice). "After you goofed away the whole morning??"
"I--" he started, but my steely gaze stopped him cold. I finally turned away, but only because I thought I might melt the ice cream with my red-hot stare.
"I'm just sayin'," Mark answered, but it was in a much quieter voice. He was afraid I'd invite him to walk home and reflect upon his comments.
"I will get here earlier next time," I told him. "With or without you."
And then we drove away, only one of us truly understanding the irony of the whole conversation.
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