Lessons in etiquette

I often say I'm raising a man, not a little boy (Mark's already an expert in acting like a little boy). I'm constantly teaching and reinforcing manners, so he'll know how to act like a gentleman.

This weekend, we had some impromptu refresher courses. The first was when we dropped my cousin Kathleen off at home.

"What are you waiting for?" Mark asked, as soon as she'd left the car.

"I'm waiting for her to get inside safely," I told him. "Always make sure your friends go inside before you drive off. And when you pick someone up, go to the door--you never honk for them from the road!"

He knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I don't even like girls," he mumbled.

"Well, when you do, and you go on dates, go to the door," I said.

The second lesson came when Mark and I entered a restaurant. He raced to the door, then cut me off to get in first. I stopped in my tracks and cleared my throat--he knows to hold the door open for a lady.

He turned around and asked, "What?"

I gestured to the door, then to myself, and he sighed. He came back outside, and held the door open.

"Fine, GO!" he groused, pushing me inside. I'm pretty sure this is not quite how I've taught him.

Later on, as we drove home, some idiot cut me off in the car. He then changed lanes and sped off, tires squealing.

"What a jerk," I told Mark. "Here's another piece of advice. That kind of driving does not impress girls. They might not say they're scared, but they are. So don't drive fast like that!"

"I don't like girls," he reminded me. But I've been watching re-runs of the Millionaire Matchmaker, and I was ready to impart some wisdom.

"When you go on a date, who pays?" I asked.

He sighed and answered, "The man."

"Good job!" I said. "How often does he pay?"

"Always," Mark answered.

He was on a roll, so I decided to test him a bit.

"What if she takes out her wallet and offers to put in money?" I asked. "What do you say then?"

I was expecting him to say "no thanks," but instead he shrugged and answered, "OK, if you really want to."

I looked at him in the rear view mirror.

"What?" he asked. I shook my head.

Looks like the lessons will continue...