Why white uniform shirts are bad

...or, "Why Clear Chapstick is Good."

I've stopped buying Mark white t-shirts for school, slowly replacing them with navy shirts only. I don't know what the school district was thinking, choosing white, or what I was thinking, going along with it.

I can bleach the heck out of the white shirts to clean them, but what really drives me crazy is picking Mark up at the end of a school day, when he looks like someone has dragged him and his white shirt through a mud puddle. This is especially painful when we have somewhere to go after school, and he looks like Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons, or like a lost little orphan who's never washed his clothes. I'm all for kids being kids and playing in the dirt, but even I have my limits. 

But since Mark does still have white shirts, I'll also have to cross another product off my list--colored lip balms. Because apparently, not only do Mark's white shirts highlight dirt, they also make nifty lip balm removers. 

In case you didn't know that, here's how to do it:

1. Lift the sleeve to your face, where you just smeared copious amounts of cherry Chapstick all over your mouth.

2. Wipe your lips furiously onto your sleeve. 

3.  Repeat all day long, until you have a nice big red glob on your sleeve.

4. Wait until the end of the day, and then, in your most surprised tone, ask your mom what this big red, waxy stain on your sleeve is.

5. Laugh delightedly when she explains, and then say, "Oooooh, THAT'S why my lips are still chapped!"

6. Walk away from your poor mom, who's silently banging her head against the wall.