Keep on clippin'

Mark loves clothes -- he's obsessed with them. I'm not sure how to deal with that, since I, as you know, am not similarly obsessed. It's not so much that I'm uninterested in clothes, I just didn't get the well-dressed gene, like my sisters-in-law did. I'd like to describe my style as "casual chic" or "hip soccer mom," but it's really more along the lines of "It was clean, and it matches, so I wore it."

But Mark's really picky about what he wears. Once he decides clothing is not to his taste, it takes an act of God to convince him to wear it. (Ironically, he attends a public school district that requires uniforms, which drives him crazy.)

His taste in clothes is definitely teen skater. He loves Tony Hawk brand clothes, or anything with skulls on it. He loves hoodies and baseball caps, but only the ones with flat bills. He likes jeans, but only black jeans -- he refuses to wear blue jeans, for reasons unknown. Also in the reasons unknown category -- clothes must meet strict criteria; interestingly enough, cleanliness is not part of that criteria. He'd wear the same clothes every day without washing, if I let him (for the record: I don't let him!).

Mark also likes to experiment with patterns and colors. It's not uncommon for him to wear a knit cap, striped shirts with camouflage shorts, topped with a plaid hoodie and flamed shoes, and to scoff at me loudly when I suggest perhaps adding a solid color item to the outfit. I've been scoffed at enough times that now, instead of making suggestions, I make pictures -- photographic evidence to torment the adult Mark.

His clothing style is definitely casual -- except for ties. For some reason, he loves ties. He hates collared shirts, but will wear them with a tie. He wears them willingly, and proudly.

This weekend, he wore a tie. He dressed himself, and asked, "How do I look?" I assured him he looked great.

He not only loves ties, he's very protective of them. He was reading a Garfield comic book, and came to a line where Garfield disparages clip-on ties. That line stopped Mark in his tracks.

"Whoa!" he said loudly, dropping the book and holding up his hands. "Whoa! Watch it, Garfield! That is not cool!"

He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"You okay?" I asked, stifling a giggle.

"That is soooo not cool!" he answered, a bit angry. "He'd better watch it about the clip-on ties, or I'm not gonna read his book anymore!"

"It's all right," I said soothingly. "He's a cat -- what does he know about ties, anyway?"

"True," Mark admitted, but he still felt stung. He loves cats, and to have his favorite animal diss his favorite article of clothing...well, that really was a slap in the face!

Eventually, he did calm down. He held tightly to his clip-on tie, though. Nothing was gonna come between him and his tie -- not even a cartoon cat.

Clothes your eyes

Mark has a den meeting tonight, which means he wore his Cub Scout uniform to school. Most of it, anyway.

He couldn't find his neckerchief, so he improvised, wearing a new Christmas gift instead -- a clip-on tie. (My mom bought him two, which I thought he'd hate -- but he loves them! He wore one clipped onto a t-shirt last week.)

Mark's shirt was casually unbuttoned, revealing his undershirt. Rather than buttoning it up and adjusting the tie under his collar, he just clipped the tie onto his shirt in the middle of his chest. It looked pretty funny -- I'm sure he'll be the only Cub Scout tonight wearing a tie.



I had my own clothes drama this morning, as well. I'd been at work a whole two minutes when I noticed a thread dangling from my blouse. I brushed it away (and perhaps tugged at it absentmindedly) when suddenly pop! A button dropped onto my desk, and in my hand was the thread that, mere seconds earlier, held it in place. Dang it!

"So it's gonna be one of those days, is it?" I sighed.

It wasn't a discreet lower button, either -- it was smack in the middle of my blouse. I panicked briefly, then thought "It's OK, I can fix this." Turns out no, MacGyver, I can't.

If you have an emergency sewing kit or safety pins at your desk, you're more prepared than I am! I glanced around my office and saw a stapler, a long T-shaped push pin, and some tape. I'm embarrassed to admit I considered using each one. (I even tried the stapler!)

I finally found a passable solution -- my dad will be proud to hear I used a binder clip. (He loves binder clips so much I gave him a box for Christmas once -- and he was genuinely excited! Now I know why.) I clipped the inside of my blouse and voila! the gap was gone. It was replaced by my awkwardly bunched-up blouse, but whatever. At least I wasn't flashing my belly at the whole world!

Luckily, I didn't have any meetings this morning. I hid out in my office, and had just one close call when my boss stopped by to chat. I tried to look natural, but you can only fold your hands over your belly for so long before it makes people nervous ("My, that Heather's such a...pious employee!")

During lunch, I'd planned to buy Mark wool socks for our trip next week. I also ended up making another purchase -- a new blouse for myself, which I changed into before returning to work.

And I made sure there weren't any buttons on it!