Man lotion

Mark's always been kind of a spa-boy in training. He appreciates the finer things in life, like hot tubs, fuzzy slippers, or a warm robe. He's also big on moisturizing--when he was little, he'd slather my lotion all over his body, and then deeply inhale.

"Smells so gooooooood," he'd sigh.

But he's not so little now, and whether or not I like it, he's becoming a man. As he transitions from a little boy, we have conversations like this.

"I need some man lotion," Mark told me yesterday.

Luckily, I was driving, and not facing him. That made it much easier to stifle my giggles.

"What is 'man lotion'?" I asked.

"You know, lotion for guys," he clarified. "I'm tired of smelling all girly, like flowers."

"Huh," I said. "Pearberry's not your scent?"

"No!" he said. "I need to smell like a MAN."

I don't even know if they make specific lotion for men only. So as we shopped, I asked a few more questions. Would unscented lotion do--was it enough to just not smell like flowers?

"No," my 72-pound (soaking wet) son said, in his deepest voice. "I need to smell manly."

I wasn't sure if it they had...um...manly lotion...but then I found it! Manly, indeed--it said "MEN" right on the label, in all caps. 

I wasn't sure if it was really lotion at first. The biggest words said, "Cooling hydration," and I didn't want Mark drinking it. But then, just below, I saw the words "body lotion" and I knew I had the right stuff. 

Mark was thrilled when I brought it home. He immediately slathered himself up, and sure enough, he emitted a manly aroma. Mark's a big believer in a little is good, but a lot is GREAT, and pretty soon, the entire house smelled...manly.

"It's okay to just use a little," I explained. "And make sure you only wear one scent at a time. If you put on the lotion, you don't need your pine tree spray, and vice versa." 

"I KNOW, Mom," he groaned, and for a moment, I felt bad for harshing his scented buzz.

But he recovered quickly, strutting around the house, calling out, "YEAH, I smell like a MAN." 

And though I tried to reign it in, I couldn't help it--I laughed. Out loud. A lot. 

The man of the house just smiled proudly.

Smells like teen spirit

Mark smothered himself in lotion after his shower last night.

"Smell my hands!" he said, thrusting them at me. "They smell soooo good!"

They did, indeed. They smelled like at least half my bottle of plumeria lotion.

But the smells didn't stop there. This morning, he watched me spritz myself with perfume and said, "Oooh, can I have some of that?"

"No," I answered. "This is perfume. Boys don't wear perfume, they wear cologne."

"What's cologne?" he asked.

"It's like perfume for guys," I said. "But it doesn't smell all flowery like this."

He was intrigued. "What does it smell like?"

"It smells like a man!" I answered.

He nodded with understanding. "So it smells like sweat?"

That stopped me in my tracks. "No," I said, "not sweat. It smells...masculine. Manly!"

"Ooooh!" he said knowingly. "Gotcha!"

I left him in the bathroom to wash up.

"I'm washing my face with man soap," he called out to me. "Because I want to be all mascular."

"Masculine," I corrected.

"Whatever," he answered. "I just want to smell like a man."

"You do," I assured him, smiling to myself. "Like a very mascular man."