A fun knight out

When I was a kid, there was an L.A. TV station that aired on our cable box. I watched commercials on that channel for places like Medieval Times and Cal Worthington Ford ("Go see Cal, go see Cal, go see Cal!"). I grew up thinking they were part of our local city, and had no idea until I went to college that they were actually two hours away.

Thanks to those commercials, I've always wanted to go to Medieval Times. But I've never made it there--until last night. I think I was more excited to go than Mark was.

"You eat your whole dinner with just your hands!" I gushed, excitedly. "No silverware!"

He looked at me skeptically and said, "I hope they don't serve spaghetti."

My brother Smed thought he was very witty and said, "Tell him they serve soup."

My very-smart kid just shrugged and said, "If they do, I'll just pick up the bowl and drink it." Smed and I gave each other the surprised, "Oh, that'll work" look.

My nephew Johnny was just as excited as we were. "Let's go, Daddy!" he yelled, and off we went.

We bought our tickets, accepted the paper crowns the serfs placed upon our heads, and took our picture with the king.

At dinner they did, in fact, serve soup. It was a tomato bisque, so Mark ignored it, though he lit into the garlic bread. We listened to some way-too-long speech about a prince being captured, the king being mad, the princess wanting peace, and blah blah blah, whatever. It's hard to tell a captivating story in a big arena with bad sound. Johnny pretty much summed up my thoughts when he yelled, "When are they gonna FIGHT?"




Pretty soon, the knights came riding out into the arena. We watched as the horses did tricks (jumping in the air!) which lost a little bit of its luster since the horse didn't much look like he was enjoying that. The lame-o narrative continued, as our self-proclaimed wench dropped half a chicken onto each of our silver platters and filled our plastic mugs with soda. Smed and I went the more authentic route and ordered beer, since it was correctly pointed out in the movie "Cable Guy," there was no Pepsi in the real medieval times.

We dug into our dinner using our bare hands. Mark was a little grossed out by that, and Johnny was too enthralled with the show to eat much. The MC introduced each of our knights, and I was disappointed to see that our knight looked like a Jonas Brother. I cheered instead for the blue knight, who actually looked like he was old enough to battle, and was pretty darn cute on top of it.

The knights engaged in all sorts of...well, knightly games. They rode by and plucked flags from the ground, speared a target on horseback, and used their lances to pluck a tiny brass ring from overhead. It was pretty cool.

I ignored the serfs and wenches selling anything you could imagine that lit up or had enough real estate to print "Medieval Times" on it. Mark and Johnny salivated over flags and pseudo-light sabers, which again, I'm pretty sure they didn't have in the middle ages.

The show took on an air of danger as the jousting began. Safety nets were lowered, protecting us from flying lances or the debris they spewed as they exploded into splinters upon contact. Once a knight fell off his horse, he leaped onto his feet to fight hand-to-hand using swords, battle axes and all sorts of other dangerous weaponry.

I'm not a big fan of war, but hey, I got into it--especially when the swords banged together and showered sparks everywhere. It was cheesy, but fun.

Mark and Johnny dug it, but I think Smed and I dug it more. Somewhere deep inside, a part of our childhood was validated, and fulfilled. We'd spent so much time watching those commercials, that to actually be in that arena, to see those knights...well, it was kinda like being in one of your favorite childhood movies. It was awesome.

Next up, a trip to see Cal Worthington, and his dog Spot.