That's what I feel, too

I grew up with three brothers, and realized very early that there were distinct differences in the way males and females communicate. (Having a son reiterated this fact.)

I learned to listen to the meaning of words, and not just the words themselves. I grew to appreciate that phrases like "You idiot," when said with the right tone, were actually warm, fuzzy compliments and not insults. (I also learned that insults, if witty enough, were not only permitted, but downright appreciated, in my family. But hey, that's another story.)

However, this past weekend, I got another reminder of just how huge those male/female communication differences are.

Mark and I attended a diabetes lecture. Ten minutes into the talk, the moderator broke us up into smaller groups--moms in one, dads in another, and kids in a third group. He loaded us up with some heavy-duty questions and sent the groups off to discuss them.

When the groups returned, the moderator asked, "How did it go?" He chose volunteers to report back.

The first volunteer was a woman. She wiped her eye, thought reflectively about our very emotional discussion, and said, "Wow, it was therapeutic! I feel a lot better now, but I'm sad that the time went so quickly." The women all around her nodded their heads and wiped their eyes in agreement.

Next, the moderator called on a man. The man stood up and said, with a sigh, "That was the longest half-hour of my life." All the men around him nodded in agreement. I think they'd rather have visited the dentist instead.

Mark squirmed in his seat, bored out of his mind. I think he really identified with the men's group; all this talk was slowly driving him mad.

The moderator then called on the kids. "Come on," he said, "I want to hear what you talked about. I want to know how you're feeling."

I nudged Mark in the ribs. "Yeah, Mark," I whispered. "What are you feeling?"

Mark immediately answered, "I feel hungry!" He even rubbed his belly and pointed to his open mouth to prove it.

And that's when I realized the moderator was in for a long morning, at least with half the crowd.

I also realized that when I talk to Mark, I need brevity. Say exactly what I mean--no subtleties. Say it in half the words I think I need. Otherwise, he's gonna tune me out just like all the men did to that well-meaning, good-intentioned moderator.

And most importantly, I realized I need to talk to Mark about stuff only when his stomach is full. Because apparently, there's a direct link from his stomach to his head, and if either one is empty, all communication immediately and irretrievably breaks down.