My son, the cat

Mark has acquired a disturbing new eating habit, and I blame it all on his pet, Frankie. My son now eats like a cat. (All this time I was worried about peer pressure--I should be worried about feline pressure instead!)

Previously, the most disturbing thing about his eating was the volume at which he chewed his meal, mouth wide open. I never thought I'd long for those days.

Now, instead of using utensils, Mark uses his fingers to guide food to his mouth. He then rips into it with his teeth, and quickly shakes his head from side to side, growling. Dinners have taken on a neanderthal-like ambiance.

At first, I wasn't quite sure what was going on.

The first time he did it, I was appalled. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Eating," he said simply, ripping in to his chicken and shaking his head.

"Could've fooled me," I answered. "Did you forget how to use a fork?"

He sighed loudly. Sometimes my simple-mindedness exasperates him.

"I'm eating like Frankie," he clarified. His tone clearly indicated he was talking to a toddler. A really, really dumb toddler.

I watched him eat a few more bites. He attacked his food enthusiastically.

"You know you're not a cat, right?" I'm never quite sure. I waited for him to meow or maybe hiss at me.

"Duh," he sneered. He rolled his eyes, then shook his head violently and swallowed loudly.

"Duh," I repeated. I wasn't convinced he really knew.

But for all my doubt, he still has one really big fan. Frankie sat nearby, staring lovingly up at Mark. When Mark cooed, "Hi, Frankie" in a sweet tone, Frankie meowed and rolled over on the floor, scooting toward Mark. Clearly, Mark can do no wrong in his eyes.

I just sighed and cleared the table. I consoled myself that hey, at least there would be fewer utensils to wash after every meal. And maybe my son really was just playing around; he didn't really think he was a cat.

I turned to smile at him and his active imagination. He was on the floor with Frankie, licking his paw--err, hand--to wash his face, and purring. And I realized that I'd just downsized my family from one kid and two cats to three cats.

So maybe my vet bills just went up, but hey, now I won't have to pay for college!