The Book Report (from hell)

Last month, Mark told me in horror that his teacher expects him to read an ENTIRE book and write a book report about it EACH AND EVERY MONTH.

"That's like, 12 book reports!" he gasped.

I reminded him school's only nine months long, so he actually has nine book reports due. I then wondered aloud (based on his miscalculation) if one of those books could be a math book.

Last month's book report was a rousing success, if you are a card-carrying member of the Mean Mom's Club. What started out as loving, encouraging support ("You can do it! We'll read together!") quickly melted down into a yelling, screaming session at 9 p.m. the night before the report was due. I'm pretty sure I threatened to take away everything Mark owns, including his skateboard, his cat, his college education, and any future children he might have, if he didn't write the damn report RIGHT NOW.

I kicked myself mentally afterwards for being such a horrible mom. Then I realized redemption was possible with the next report. I vowed to be a nicer mom with the second try.

And Mark lapped it up. He loved the positive reinforcement, and the genuine encouragement I gave him. We began on October 1st, so that he would have the whole month to read the book. We planned to write a quick summary of each chapter, so that when it came time to write the report, he'd have notes to remember the entire story by. Things were going wonderfully, right up until October 15th.

"Look, Mom!" Mark said that day. "Check out the cool books I got from the library today!"

I looked over the two Garfield books.

"Where's your Chet Gecko book?" I asked, referring to his book report book.

"I turned it in so I could get these," he said.

"How are you going to finish your book IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT??" I asked. Calm down, I told myself. Loving and supportive moms always remain calm, even in cases of extreme adversity.

The light of recognition went on in his little head. "Uh oh," he whispered. But he quickly recovered, and said, "I'll check that one out again on Monday."

Which gave him exactly 10 days to finish the book AND write the report. It had taken him two weeks to get through six chapters--there was no way he'd finish the book in 10 days. I declared it happy hour, and opened a bottle of wine.

By the beginning of this week, I gave up. I realized, sadly, that my kid is the kind of kid who has to learn lessons the hard way. I could keep nagging him about that dang report, and it would probably get done. And then I could repeat that same harping for the rest of the school year.

Or, I could give him a little tough love. Let him suffer the consequences, and get the lesson out of the way now.

I chose the latter. I emailed the teacher and explained there's a really good chance Mark won't turn his book report in on time. I asked not for leniency or deadline extensions, but for consequences. Good consequences if he finished it, other consequences if he did not. Luckily, the teacher was on the same page, and assured me there would be consequences if the report was not turned in.

And so here we are, three full school days later. The good news is Mark finally finished the book yesterday. The bad news is that he spent every morning and lunch recess on the red line to do it. Which meant that because he's not playing during those breaks, his blood sugar's also been through the roof (If ever you needed living proof that exercise lowers your blood sugar, Mark's your man).

But the upside is I haven't had to micromanage it. I got to let go of the issue, of all the stress. I got to let Mark own up to the problem, and realize that while I was here to help, it wasn't my job to make sure it got done. And I got to watch him fix it without yelling and screaming at him, and then regretting it all later.

I think we both learned our lessons.