Lazybones

Mark and I are in a constant battle over what's right versus what's fast. I am all for shortcuts, but I only want to do the job (whatever job) once.

Mark does not share this point of view. Instead, he will repeat a task 10 or 11 times, taking a shortcut each time. He spends twice as long to use his "shortcut" as it would to simply do the task right the first time.

A prime example of this is making his bed. Mark is a strong advocate of the simple yet effective "pull the comforter over the blankets" method. But it never occurs to him to first smooth out the sheets or blankets underneath, nor do the resulting unsightly lumps bother him. I told him to make the bed, he made the bed. Task complete. Until...

"What are all those lumps?" I asked him, pointing at the camel-like bed.

"What lumps?" he answered. He looked straight at the lumpy bed and said, "I don't see any lumps."

"Right here!" I said, removing the comforter and exposing the tangle of sheets.

"Huh," Mark said, genuinely surprised. "I don't know how those got there."

His next move was to come up with a new shortcut. My genius son realized the housekeepers make his bed to my very exacting standards, so he decided to just ride along on their coattails. He began sleeping on top of the covers every night.

Well, I nipped that idea in the bud quite quickly. But then he moved on to a more stealth solution:



That's right, he's sleeping under just the comforter. This way, the sheets and blankets don't get messed up, and with one fell swoop, his bed is easily made every morning.

I did notice this method might have a drawback, though.

"Aren't you cold at night?" I asked.

"A little," he admitted. "But it's worth it, not to make my bed."

"Yeah, but you spend 10 hours a night being cold, and two seconds a day making your bed," I pointed out. He shrugged and said it's still worth it.

I tried a different tact, the hygiene route. I knew this would be completely lost on a 10-year-old boy, but I had to try for my own sake.

"Sheets do, in fact, have a purpose," I told him. "They protect the blankets from smelly little boys like you."

But he remains unconvinced, and continues to crawl between the comforter and blanket layers each night, after I kiss him goodnight.

I know this will lead to nowhere good. I can't believe Mark hasn't thought of it yet, but I fear he will soon realize his best solution to not making the bed at all: a sleeping bag. It'll keep him warm and he won't have to deal with those pesky sheets.

And so I'm off to hide our sleeping bags, because it'll be easier to keep them out of his hands altogether than to take them away once he figures that out.