Toof two

It's raining teeth in my house.

The dentist told Mark he wouldn't lose any of his molars until he was 11. Sure enough, on the eve of his 11th birthday, Mark took a bite of his dinner, and spit out a tooth.

"It's a silver one!" he rejoiced. "I think you get more for metal teeth than for regular ones."

I smiled, neither confirming nor denying this fact. I love Mark's complete faith in the Tooth Fairy and her sliding scale.

I thought Mark would immediately hide the tooth under his pillow, but he had other plans for it. Scientific plans.

"I'm gonna stick it in a glass of milk," he told me. "To see if it makes the tooth cleaner."

He did precisely that, then stood over it, watching. I think he expected to see it whiten right away.

"Nope," he concluded after three minutes. "Milk doesn't work. Now I'm gonna make holes in it."

"You're what?" I gasped. He was reaching into the fridge for a can of Diet Sprite.

"I'm gonna make cavities, and show all the kids at school how bad soda is for them" said my little Diet Coke addict. I pointed out he might have better results if he used a soda with sugar in it.

And so he did. He worried he might walk by and be tempted to drink the Dr Pepper housing his tooth, so he wrote himself a little note.



This time his patience lasted a little longer. He left it overnight, racing to it first thing in the morning.

"Ewww gross!" was the first thing I heard the next morning. I awoke to him dangling a tiny brown tooth in my face. It was enough to make me want to stop drinking soda!

He bagged up the tooth and took it to school. Where he promptly lost it. And remembered two minutes before bedtime.

"My tooth!" he yelled, as I tucked him into bed. "The Tooth Fairy will still come even if I lost my tooth, right?"

"You lost your tooth?" I asked. "Where?"

"At school," he said. "Somewhere in my classroom."

I realized that teachers are most certainly under appreciated.

I thought the tooth issue was over until a couple mornings later. Mark awoke, and said sleepily, "I wonder if the Tooth Fairy came."

A full panic overtook me, and I said, "What do you mean?"

"I found my tooth," he explained. "I put it under my pillow last night."

...without telling your mom!

"Let's go!" I said. I'm the master of redirect, so I used a gruff voice, and ordered him to go eat breakfast. He complied, and I hurried for my wallet to help out the Tooth Fairy, who hadn't been properly notified.

Turns out all my rushing around was for nought, because Mark is the master of being easily distracted. He never went back to his pillow, not until three days later, after the housekeepers once again changed his sheets.

"Hey look, a dollar!" he screeched. "You think Molly Maids left it?"

"I think the Tooth Fairy left it," I sighed. "From the other night, when you left your tooth there." My son is cute, but sometimes a bit scatterbrained.

In the end, it all worked out. The tooth taught us numerous valuable lessons, including:

• Milk, despite its color, is not a whitener.
• Soda is bad for you.
• The Tooth Fairy requires adequate notice.
• Molly Maids is a very trustworthy service, even if they are probably a bit curious as to why Mark keeps hiding money under his pillow.