I rarely pay attention to the parental ratings for television shows. Instead, I rely solely on my own personal code of Do I really want my child to watch this program? I use common sense when deciding what Mark can and cannot watch. Shows with violence, nudity, cursing or smarmy pre-teens sassing their parents are automatically disqualified.
Pretty much anything on HBO is out, while everything on HGTV is allowed. (Allowed, though just barely tolerated. But Mark's so addicted to TV that he'd rather watch a House Hunters marathon than actually turn the set off.)
However, my method is not perfect. Sometimes shows slip by me that seem innocuous, and yet, cross over into that gray area.
For example, Top Chef. On the surface, it's just a cooking competition. But its competitors are grown adults who, I've noticed with alarming regularity, smoke and curse. I don't always remember that, until I'm watching it with Mark.
On a recent episode, the chefs were vying for a cash prize. One earnest young man confided that if he won the $20,000, he'd donate it to an orphanage in Thailand that took in children afflicted with HIV. Another chef smirked, and proudly confessed he would blow it all on an eight-ball and hookers.
Please...I begged, silently. Please don't ask... I steadfastly refused to make eye contact with my 10-year-old son seated next to me.
But of course, he did ask. "What are eight-balls and hookers?" he said, looking directly at me.
"It has to do with pool," I answered immediately. "You know, like when you play pool and sink the eight-ball." I mimed shooting in a ball with a pool cue.
He nodded. "Ohhh."
Home-free, I thought.
"And what are hookers?" he asked.
Or maybe not...
"For fishing," I answered. I simulated casting a fishing line, then reeled it back in. "You know, when you hook a fish."
I was terrified he would ask how the two things were related, but luckily, he accepted my answers and moved on.
And I immediately made a mental note to cross Top Chef off the list of approved TV shows.
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