The Mad Scientist

This month, in lieu of a book report, Mark's class is creating science experiments.

Mark first announced this about five weeks ago. That's also when our understanding of the project diverged; I thought that was a good time frame in which to research and complete the project. Mark saw it as a lengthy reprieve from book reports, and time to enjoy himself.

I gently reminded him during spring break the deadline was approaching, and once again encouraged him to start working. He announced that he loved having time off from school.

By Monday, I was done being subtle or encouraging.

"Your science experiment is due next week," I said. "If you need any supplies, tell me now, because I will not be shopping for them last minute on Sunday night."

Mark responded with various excuses on why he couldn't create the shopping list, including:

• He was working on this experiment with his friend, Matthew.
• Matthew was at Kid's Club.
• Therefore, Mark could not call Matthew or come up with a shopping list.

"Aren't the supplies in the book?" I asked. Mark nodded.

"Don't you have the book?" I also asked. The light bulb went off in Mark's head, and he raced to get the book.

I will spare you the details of the next hour, but it started in more patient prodding (me), then ended in yelling (also me), a temper tantrum (Mark), and finally a phone call (from the equally beloved and feared Grandma). Even my Dad got in on the call, giving his two cents worth. Although we didn't accomplish much scientifically, I still felt better after they'd talked to Mark (parenting is a group effort in my family).

By dinner time, Mark had a shopping list, as well as a list of the components making up his project. This included a hypothesis statement, an acknowledgment, a description of the experiment, and a results statement.

Yesterday, I asked if he'd worked any more on the project. He proudly answered yes.

"That's great!" I said enthusiastically. "What did you do?"

"I wrote a whole bunch of stuff," Mark said. I asked what he'd written.

"I wrote the acknowledgement," he said, proudly. "I wrote my thank yous."

I actually stopped the car when he said that.

"But nobody's helped you yet!" I exclaimed. "Who did you thank? And for what?"

"I thanked you," he said. "Because I know you're gonna help me. And I thanked Matthew, since he's working on the experiment with me. I wrote really good acknowledgements."

I sighed. I aimed my car toward home, and drove.

Mark may not have a science experiment to turn in next week, but he will definitely have a thank you section for the people who helped him.

Helped him create nothing, that is. And somehow, in his head, that is progress, one step closer to being done with his experiment.

Meanwhile, I am conducting my own experiment. It involves the various stress-reducing methods and affirmations I can employ to keep myself from strangling a certain 11-year-old boy.