Ouch!

Mark is a very smart boy; but he's book-smart, not street-smart, as he likes to believe.

What this means is, like any other kid, Mark gets in trouble, and tries to cover it up. Lucky for me, he's sneaky, but not very good at it.

Maybe it's because he doesn't watch enough police detective shows. I loved NYPD Blue; it taught me never ever to accept a drink from seemingly friendly detectives while being interrogated. (They routinely extracted DNA samples from soda cans or cups.) So maybe I've never been interrogated yet, but if it happens, I'll dehydrate before I give up the goods!

I've also learned from detective shows that if you commit a crime using your computer, smash it. To bits. To beyond smithereens -- they can retrieve anything off your hard drive. At the very least, empty the trash if you've sent incriminating emails, and delete your browser history if you've Googled things like "toaster in bath" shortly before your wife is electrocuted in the tub.

And I've learned that the bare minimum requirement to being a successful criminal is to wear gloves and wipe down a crime scene after committing a crime. Any criminal worth their salt knows to double-check the scene for evidence.

Lucky for me, Mark isn't worth his salt.

In the last week, he's incriminated himself multiple times. The first time he got busted was by the school cafeteria, who sent home a note saying Mark owes them $1.50.

"Did you eat in the caff?" I asked him, and he immediately shook his head. I don't care if he eats there, but it takes a little planning--we have to go through the menu, decide what he's gonna eat, and count the carbs for those items. None of which occurs when he spontaneously buys lunch.

"No!" he said defensively. "I don't even have any money left on my card!"

Before he could protest any longer, I handed him the note, and watched his attitude change. (I also told him he'd be paying the debt with his own money.)

The next day, the school nurse said Mark tested his blood sugar after school, and left the office without telling anyone. She only knew he was low because he left his meter on her desk.

He's always very surprised when he gets caught. He asks how I found out, and I always give him the same answer: "I have eyes in the back of my head. I see everything you do; nothing gets past me." He knows that can't be true, but I've caught him so many times, he actually believes it now.

He believes it so much that last night, he tried to put me out of business. We were just goofing around, being silly. I turned my back to him and suddenly, he jammed a finger into my head.

"Ow!" I yelled. "What'd you do that for?"

He grinned at me and said, "I poked you in the eye."

I knew immediately which eye he was talking about -- the one in the back of my head!

"It didn't work," I told him. "It was closed."

He was unconvinced until this morning. "Pay your cafeteria debt today," I reminded him, and he stopped in his tracks.

"How do you know I didn't pay yesterday?"

I smiled. "I always know," I told him.

I could feel his glare on my back as I turned around. And as I walked away, I know he wanted with all of his heart to make a smirky face at me.

But he didn't dare; he knew the eye was watching!