This apple didn't fall far from the tree

This weekend was my mom's birthday, so Mark and I traveled south to help her celebrate.

Before we left, my oldest brother Scott asked if I own a chainsaw, which I answered with a hearty guffaw.

"Aren't chainsaws power tools? And really sharp?" I asked, and he agreed that they are.

"Couldn't I really hurt myself with one?" I also asked, and again, he agreed.

"Then NO! I don't have a chainsaw you can borrow," I answered. (Anybody who knows how klutzy I am and how much damage I've done with a weed wacker, sharp garden tools or any other kind of tools knows just how laughable this whole scenario was.)

But apparently my brother Smed has one. I agreed to bring it down only after Scott assured me he has medical insurance.

So we stopped at Smed's house long enough to pick it up. We were only there a few minutes, which made my 2-year-old nephew Johnny mad. He loves Mark, and was not happy with the short visit. He was so mad that he yelled, "I go with Mark!" and ran out to our car in his pajamas.

"I'll take him if you want," I told his mom, but Brandy shook her head. Smed, on the other hand, yelled, "Johnny, come back! You need an overnight bag if you're going with Mark!"

So we left with one chainsaw but no Johnny. Along the way, I called my brother Tim. My nephew Nick answered the phone, and I asked how his birthday slumber party went last week. He said it went well until one of the kids went home crying.

"Why was he crying?" I asked.

"Well, a giant gorilla tried to kidnap him," Nick explained. When I yelped, "What??" he elaborated.

"My dad told the kids the circus was in town, and that a gorilla escaped," Nick started. "Then his friend came over that night dressed like a gorilla, to kidnap a kid."

I was laughing so hard, I almost crashed the car. I could totally picture the kids screaming inside the tent as a giant gorilla grunted and chased them.

"Who'd he kidnap?" I asked, when I finally caught my breath again.

"Oh, he didn't kidnap anyone after that kid started crying," Nick said. "Oh yeah, and Dad took us out to toilet paper a house, too!"

Sometimes I wonder who's really in charge at that house...

We got to San Diego just in time for lunch. Mary grabbed Mark, plus her three kids, and went to pick up pizzas, and I enjoyed the quiet solitude. For all of about two minutes, until one of the neighbor kids walked into the living room and asked where everybody went. I realized my parents hadn't just gained three new resident grandkids, but the two neighbor kids as well!

The kids swam, screamed and splashed all afternoon. It sounded like summer camp with all that ruckus. I don't know how people handle six kids of their own, especially six wild ones like these!

By late afternoon (aka Happy Hour), we were back down to four kids. Mary brought out appetizers, and my mom brought a celebratory bottle of wine. We dug into both.

I'm not sure how it came up, but somebody mentioned there's a lucky day next month -- 09/09/09. Which prompted my Dad to ask, "Who knows what happened on 11/11?"

I was on my second beer, and had no idea.

"Arma--" he started, and I yelled, "Armageddon!"

"Armistice," he corrected me. Mark began to ask what the Armistice was, and I said, "Don't do it, Mark! Don't ask! You will get a long lecture all about the Armistice!"

Then I said I liked my answer better anyway.

"What's Armageddon?" Mark asked, and I answered, "Glad you asked -- cuz Armageddon myself another beer!"

I really cracked myself up, and I couldn't stop snickering at that lame joke. My mom laughed along, too, but finally told my dad not to encourage me.

"Fine," I answered. "Then Armageddon myself another mom!" I used that joke in five or six other sentences, and laughed just as hard each time. Finally, my niece Gabi smacked me and said it wasn't funny at all.

We enjoyed an awesome dinner, courtesy of Chefs Scott and Mary. They outdid themselves with an amazing chicken Marsala.

The celebration ended well past dark, and by the time I went to bed, I was tired but happy. I talked to or saw all my family members this weekend, which is a pretty big feat considering how big our clan is.

Not to get all sappy or sentimental, but it really was a great reminder of what's important in life. And it was fun to see that even as the years pass by, my family stays exactly the same. Sure, we have a new generation, but they have the same demented sense of humor as the two generations before them.

Which is both comforting and disturbing, all at once!