Things I've learned as a mom

I read lots of parenting books before I got Mark, books that stressed things kids really want and need (structure, discipline, love, etc.) to grow into healthy adults. I found those needs do exist, but with stipulations.

Here are a few examples of what kids need (from the parenting books) and how they twist those needs to their favor (from my real life experiences).

Kids need lots of love and affection
Just not in front of anyone else. Are you trying to kill them by embarrassment by hugging them in front of their friends? What kind of bad parent are you??

Kids need stability
Because it's no fun to aggravate parents who are already unstable.

Kids do listen to their parents
Unfortunately, only when you are gossiping about your crackhead neighbor, and not when you ask them to make the bed or feed the cats.

Kids do share
Again, never quite what you want them to. Mark will freely share my age with anybody and everybody, but try to share his dessert and you will lose a finger. He's also good at sharing colds, the flu, and other various sicknesses.

Kids love structure
This is true--if only because it gives them a chance to assert their independence, and rail against said structure. Mark's had the same bedtime for three years, and yet, not a night goes by that he doesn't try to stay up later.

Kids love discipline
Just not for themselves. They are like little self-appointed sheriffs in Kidstown, and love nothing more than reporting on and then watching every other kid being punished.

Kids will sleep when they're tired
Also true. Unfortunately, they don't use this skill wisely. Instead of being tired at the appropriate time--say, bedtime--Mark can easily fight off sleep until midnight when he wants to, and then sleep like the dead when it's time to wake up for school.

Kids will eat when they're hungry
Which never happens to coincide with mealtimes.

Kids learn to respect money when it's their own
Yeah, whoever said that definitely didn't have cable T.V. I can't tell you how many times Mark's saved his money up to buy a skateboard, only to forget about that skateboard when some infomercial mesmerizes him with glass bulbs that automatically water your plants for UP TO TWO WEEKS. The only money kids really respect is yours, because to them it is infinite, abundant, and created solely to buy them toys or Happy Meals.

Kids want to learn
But not about math or spelling. They really want to learn how far they can push you before you snap.

I always wanted a kid who was smart and funny. Which is exactly what I got--and why my mom always said to be careful what I wish for.