My first year with Mark was a one of intense learning. I soaked up every bit of diabetes knowledge I could, grilling doctors and nurses for info, reading books, attending conferences, and scouring the Web. I became pretty adept at recognizing symptoms of high/low blood sugars, counting carbs, and managing diabetes.
However...there are certain side affects of diabetes the doctors, books and conferences do not tell you about. I had to learn about these the hard way -- from experience. These side affects include:
* Vampirism. Yes, as in vampire. Which is what my young son has become. Can't tell you how many times I've caught him sucking the blood off his finger after a test.
* Psychosis. Sure, the doctors said if Mark's blood sugar is high, he may become "irritable" or "cranky." But nobody told me the honest truth, which is that when Mark's high, he turns into the devil! Seriously. I'm not exaggerating, we're talking head-spinning, venom-spewing psychotic episodes here.
* Insomnia. Or rather, a highly tuned sense of delaying bedtime by uttering three simple words: "I feel low." (I'm not talking about the times he really is low; rather, the times he pushes back bedtime by almost 30 minutes by engaging in a slowed-down version of the testing process.)
* Manipulation. Mark knows better than to ask me for candy. Instead, he peruses the candy aisle very carefully, and casually says, "Hmmm, this would be good for treating a low..." And cut to Mom buying said candy.
* Short-term memory loss. As in, Mark completely forgets how to count carbs for vegetables, but dangle a cookie in front of him, and he's amazingly accurate.
* Creativity. At mealtimes, Mark frequently gives himself insulin, only to announce moments later that he's full. He then names the foods he's willing to consume to make up for those missing carbs. Interestingly enough, those options usually include soda, glucose tabs, or an extra helping of dessert. Equally interesting is how hungry he becomes for his meal again when I announce the only replacement food is milk, and lots of it.
* False highs. These are most common at, but certainly not restricted to, nighttime. It occurs commonly after Mark tests, registers high, and answers negatively to the question, "Did you wash your hands?" (For some reason, the meter reads dirt as sugar, and registers high.) But dirt's not the only culprit -- Mark's had highs due to excessive scented lotion, sugar, petting the cat, wiping his hands on the table, or washing his hands with wipes, but not letting them dry. All of these are quickly followed by loud sighing, stomping, banging around as he rewashes his hands, and then re-testing.
But of course, the side affects are not limited solely to Mark. Unfortunately, they've affected me too. My symptoms include:
* Needle misperception. I've become so accustomed to needles, that I don't think twice about carrying them in plain sight. Which makes for some pretty awkward moments; once I said good morning to a family in a hotel hallway, and watched them quickly dash away. It was only then I realized I was holding a loaded needle, and they didn't know it was filled with insulin, not illegal drugs.
* Inability to watch my language. I wish I could say that I've only asked Mark, "Are you high?" in public once, but I'd be lying. It's a fairly common question, as is the threat, "Why are you acting like this? You'd better be high!" (The only acceptable excuse for bad behavior.) I forget that other people don't get the context (high blood sugar, not high on drugs), which also makes for some funny stories.
Like I said, I've never seen any of these symptoms or side affects in the diabetes literature. I think I'll write a book -- What You REALLY Need to Know after You've Learned Everything You Need to Know About Diabetes.
I think it would be a big hit. At least with the www.childrenwithdiabetes.com folks.
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